FidoNet Echomail Archive
aust_c_here

<<< Previous Index Next >>>

From: Frank Adam
To: All
Date: 1997-04-12 04:19:00
Subject: programming

Hi guys,

I saw this on the C_Echo and just couldn't resist to repost it here, 
in case someone here missed it. Hope nobody minds.

The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of 
which seem to have stolen countless features from one 
another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what 
language you're currently using.  This guide is offered as 
a public service to help programmers who find themselves in 
such dilemmas.

C
You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them
all in  the foot.  Providing emergency medical assistance is 
impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies 
and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over
there." 

FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run 
out of toes, than you read in the next foot and repeat.  If 
you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you 
have no exception-handling ability.

COBOL
Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place 
ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE.  THEN 
return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to 
be retied.

LISP
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun 
with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds 
the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage 
which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the 
appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself 
in the appendage which holds ....

BASIC
Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol.  On big 
systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.


FORTH
Foot in yourself shoot.

APL
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring 
out how to do it fewer characters.

Pascal
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

SNOBOL
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot.  If you 
fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.

Concurrent Euclid
You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

HyperTalk
Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of 
you.  Answer the result.

Motif
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the 
trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the 
ivory handles of the gun.  When you finally get around to 
pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

Unix
% ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm *.o
'rm:.o: No such file or directory
% ls
%

Paradox
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.

Revelation
You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon 
as you figure out what all these bullets are for.

Visual Basic
You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much 
fun doing it that you won't care.

Prolog
You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot.  The 
program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't 
allow it to explain.

370 JCL
You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document 
explaining how you want it to be shot.  Three years later, 
your foot comes back deep-fried.

Ada
After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the 
gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the 
foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is 
of the wrong type.

Assembly
You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you 
must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot.

Modula2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything 
in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

 Regards, Frank
 
___ Blue Wave/DOS v2.21

--- Maximus 3.00
 * Origin: ZWSBBS +61-3-98276881 28800bps Multiline (3:634/396)
SEEN-BY: 633/267 270
@PATH: 634/396 639/252 632/360 50/99 635/728 633/267



<<< Previous Index Next >>>