If you can get Funny, at least there are other people posting.

-> 
-> Answers to Women's Most Important Questions:
->

        ATTENTION : All citizens of Texas planning a trip to
                  Washington, D.C. to visit George W.

 1.  Before leaving for Washington, clean red mud from windshields
     and remove hog and chicken feed from pick-up bed.

 2.  Any cardboard box can be made to look like a suitcase if brown
     shoe polish is smoothly applied.  Boxes must have tops, but no
     ropes.  When a few miles out of Texas, remove overalls and
     brogans and putt them into your box.  Change to Sunday suit,
     clean shirt and good shoes (wear socks).

 3.  Limit occupancy of your car or pickup to a reasonable number of
     riders.  It looks country to overload a vehicle.

 4.  Those going on their tractors should leave three weeks early.
     Remember to drive on the right side of the road at all times,
     except when passing an older tractor or a buddy in a wagon.

 5.  En route always buy a full tank of gas.  A dollar's worth at a
     time requires too many gas stops.

6.   On arrival in Washington, immediately get settled in a tourist or
     boarding house.  If they don't feed, try to locate near an
     all-nite cafe. Leave soda crackers, Viennas, R.C. Colas and Moon
     Pies in car or pick-up. First class tourist homes do not take
     kindly to guests who prepare food in their sleeping rooms.

7.   Do not take live chickens or hogs - for some reason people in
     Virginia think that they have good hams.  For the sake of
     national unity, we don't want to show them up.  Besides, their
     dogs would chase our chickens and our hogs would eat their
     dogs... just making a hell of a mess.

8.   Do not take Sears catalog or corn cobbs with you.  Up there the
     out-houses are always inside and they furnish a rolled paper
     substitute, but remember to turn the knob on the white bowl as
     this is a house rule and creates less air pollution problems.
     Brother Al Gore gets all heated about this pollution and we don't
     want to set him off.

9.   If invited by a county agent, fertilizer manufacturer's
     representative or hog vaccine manufacturer's salesman to have a
     drink in his hotel room, do not spit tobacco juice on the
     carpeted floor.  When asked what you drink, don't say "stump
     juice".  Tell them all classy people from Texas drink B&B
     (Bourbon and Branch water).

10.  And above all else - don't let any Yankee show you up.  Constant
     screaming of "He's a good ole boy" will make it difficult for
     them to engage you in conversation on their intelligence level.
     You can also keep up the chant started by Cousin George, "It's
     time for change!"  As you know, we plan a change of underwear on
     the first of every month.  First cousins change with second
     cousins, but always keep it in the family.  George has passed a
     decree, even when divorced you can still be cousins in Texas.
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