* Originally in: FIDO ::Funny Jokes and Stories
 * Originally to: George Pope

 Hope these give you a nice laugh to start off your day! 

  Clippings from Church Newspapers to give you a chuckle:

  These are actual clippings from church newspapers. It's amazing what a
  little proofreading would've prevented...

  Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at the
  Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all
  the way from Africa.

  Don't forget the National PRAYER & FASTING Conference. "The cost for
  attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

  Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
  school recreation hall.
  Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

  Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again,"giving obvious
  pleasure to the congregation.

  "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
  things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

  Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your
  own hot dogs and guns.  Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

  The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
  conflict.

  The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight
  will be: "Searching for Jesus"

  Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
  they can get.

  Barbara Jones remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
  transfusions.
  She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's
  sermons.

  The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
  sing "Break Forth into Joy."

  Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
  someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much
  about you, and hopefully they will respond.

  Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.

  Irving Benson and Jessica Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
  So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

  A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
  will follow.

  At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
  Come early and listen to our choir practice.

  Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
  several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

  The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoy sinning
  to join the choir.

  Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.
  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

  The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green
  beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

  For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
  downstairs.

  Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
  person(s) you want remembered.

  Attend this meeting and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a
  healthy lunch.

  The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and
  gracious hostility.

  Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.--prayer and medication to follow.

  The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
  be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

  This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from
  the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

  Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are
  invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

  The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
  lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday
  morning.

  Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 8 PM, Please use the
  back door.

  The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the
  Church basement on Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend
  this tragedy.

  Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
  Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

  Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

  The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
  last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Now Up Yours."
 


   *                       *
  ###  Merry  Christmas   ###
 #####  Happy New Year  ######
   =      I C E-man        =

... v0.43: MultiMail, the new multi-platform, multi-format offline reader!
~~~ ReneWave v2.00+

--- xMail 1.00
 * Origin: Murphy's BBS  64 3 3519020  Christchurch  N.Z.  (3:770/245)
SEEN-BY: 633/267 270
@PATH: 770/245 215 774/605 123/500 106/1 379/1 633/267